We’ve all been there—something happens in our lives that feels so profound, funny, or meaningful that we’re itching to share it with the world. Whether it’s a blog post, a social media update, or a heartfelt story told over coffee, personal experiences have a way of connecting us to others. But what happens when that story involves someone else? How do we tell our truth without stepping over the line into someone else’s privacy? I’ve wrestled with this myself, and I’d like to share how I’ve learned to navigate that tricky balance.
A few years ago, I went through a situation that changed how I see relationships. It wasn’t anything dramatic—no Hollywood-worthy breakups or shouting matches—just a quiet moment of realization during a conversation with a close friend. We were sitting on my couch, sipping tea, when they said something that hit me like a lightning bolt of energy. It wasn’t about me, but it shifted how I viewed my own choices. I immediately wanted to write about it. The urge to process it through words, to turn it into something others could relate to, was overwhelming. But then I paused. This wasn’t just my story—it was theirs too. How could I share it without exposing something they might not want out there?
The first thing I did was ask myself: What’s the heart of this experience for me? I realized it wasn’t about the specifics of what my friend said or who they were—it was about the feeling it sparked in me, the shift in perspective. That became my starting point. I decided to strip away the details that could point back to them. No names, no identifying traits, no exact quotes. Instead, I focused on the emotions and the lesson. I wrote about how a casual moment can sometimes reframe your whole outlook, leaving readers with something universal rather than a peek into someone else’s life.
Next, I considered whether to check in with my friend. In this case, I didn’t—I’d changed the story enough that it was unrecognizable as theirs. But if it had been a bigger event, something where the details were harder to obscure, I would’ve asked. A simple, “Hey, I’m thinking of writing about something we went through—would you mind if I shared it this way?” can go a long way. It’s not just about permission; it’s about respect. People deserve a say in how their lives are broadcast, even if it’s through your lens.
Another trick I’ve picked up is using composites. Sometimes, a single experience isn’t enough to fill a story, or it’s too raw to share directly. So, I blend it with other moments from my life. That conversation on the couch? Maybe I weave in a similar feeling from a chat with a coworker years ago or a random exchange with a stranger. Suddenly, it’s not about one person anymore—it’s a tapestry of my own journey, and no one’s privacy is on the line.
Of course, there’s always the option to go fictional. I’ve found that taking a real experience and tweaking it into a “what if” scenario can be just as powerful. Change the setting, the characters, the outcome—keep the emotional core, but let the rest breathe as its own thing. Readers still connect, and no one’s left wondering if they’re the subject.
The key, I’ve learned, is intention. Before I hit “publish,” I ask myself: Am I sharing this to process my own experience, or am I exploiting someone else’s vulnerability for a good story? If it’s the latter, I rethink it. There’s a difference between being honest and being careless, and I’d rather err on the side of kindness and love.
In the end, that moment with my friend became a blog post—one I’m still proud of. It didn’t name them, didn’t spill their secrets, but it captured what mattered to me. They read it later and didn’t even realize it was inspired by our talk. That felt like a win. I’d told my story, connected with others, and kept their trust intact.
So, if you’re itching to share something personal that involves someone else, take a pause. Focus on your piece of it—the feelings, the growth, the meaning. Strip away what doesn’t need to be there. Check in if you’re unsure. And above all, remember that your story can shine without dimming someone else’s light. It’s not just about protecting their privacy—it’s about honoring the space you shared.